Coming Out… Again
“Even if I have to come out 100 times a day for the rest of my life, I will. Being able to be myself completely is one of the most important things in my life to me.”
The Uncertainty of Coming Out
Coming out is a hard process because you never know how it’ll be received. Will everything blow up in your face, or will things stay relatively the same?
There are so many uncertainties that are so scary that some people don’t, or even can’t, come out.
But if you have the opportunity to come out, it can be an amazing experience. You finally get to live as your completely authentic self and find a community of people who not only tolerate your identity but love and embrace it fully.
The first time coming out is the biggest and most memorable… the next 100 times are less so.
Realizing It’s a Lifelong Process
When I first came out, I was older and had been consuming queer and lesbian content for a while, so I had heard that many women have to come out regularly.
When I finally realized I was gay, I also understood that I would have to come out for the rest of my life.
The reason being, queerness isn’t recognized by straight people. Very often, we are around straight people because we are the minority. We then have to decide: “Do I want to come out again?”
The Everyday Questioning
I feel like I have to come out every other week, especially working as a server. I see a lot of new faces really often. But it’s not just at work, it’s every space where you will meet new people.
There are always questions bouncing around in the back of my head. When the subject of dating eventually comes up, as it does in most adult conversations, I’m thinking:
Is it safe to be out here or with this specific person? Does it matter? Am I being my most authentic self if I don’t come out to every new person I meet, or am I not doing it for a specific reason?
Even if the new person I meet doesn’t become a friend or significant player in my life, I’m still questioning what I’ll do if the subject of dating comes up.
Being Straight Passing
The reason I have to “come out” is, I don’t have a specific look that allows people to clock me as a lesbian.
I am straight passing, and for the most part, the hetero masses believe everyone is straight until proven gay. For women, even that isn’t enough sometimes.
So of course, I have to “come out” over and over, because most people will assume that I am straight. Which isn’t the worst thing in the world, but it’s not how I want people to think of me.
Why I’ll Keep Doing It
And although I don’t mind doing it, it’s something that I will always have to do. For most queer women and people in the LGBTQ+ community, that is the case. The world, being dominated by straight cis people, doesn’t allow room for people to think that there are others different than themselves.
So even if I have to come out 100 times a day for the rest of my life, I will. Being able to be myself completely is one of the most important things in my life to me.